| Hello Dear One,
A while ago I was going through a bout of irritability; some of the fearful parts of me were being stirred up.
Times like that it’s my husband, Kenneth, that gets the brunt of my unruly energies. My nervous system is trigger happy and it doesn’t take much to spiral me into my fearful habits of blame and control.
After my husband, my second favorite target is myself. In simpler words, for a time Kenneth and I were living with my bitchy alter-ego. It wasn’t fun.
I’ve been here enough times to be able to stop and witness myself. I have the experience and wisdom to know that what’s going on is not about Kenneth. And it’s not about my truest self, either. I’ve learned how to be present with, and allow the deeper feeling to arise, be felt, and move on their way. On the other side of that there’s freedom and love.
And then, naturally, I want to hold onto that loving with the fiercest grip. I tell myself, (hahahah) “Now, I’ll be kind, from now on!“ A want to wrap myself up in a fairy tale dream.“I’ll never treat myself or someone else like that again.” I resist being human!
In the middle of all of that I remembered; I don’t have to do be nice forever.
Not forever, but how about being nice just for this morning? Or just for the next few minutes? Or the next time I get one of those triggering glances?
I’m reminded that being kind can be a practice. Just for these next few moments, how can I be kind? To my beloved husband. To the neighbor I don’t see eye-to-eye with. To my precious self.
Here I have to interject; Kenneth just came in complaining about something and I made one of those snarks not-so-funny comments.
I think of a previous Sweet Reminder, “Start Again”. Yep. Starting again, right now.
With love and kindness,
Sharon
Tomorrow: that which is always approaching but never arrives
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