Hello Precious One,
Ecuador. That’s where I am right now. I was charmed by this country when I was here four years ago; housesitting opportunities pulled Kenneth and I back for this current four-month stay.
Here’s the thing. That first trip; in addition to wonderful discoveries, experiences and people, it was a time of deep sorrow and confusion for me. It ended up being a time of healing and new beginnings. But, to get there, I went through hell.
And here I am. Back in this land. On this land. When my travels here started unfolding, I started unraveling. It was like turning a corner; unexpectedly, a tidal wave of sadness and hurt washed over me, time-traveling me back to the grief of that past time.
I was shocked. I felt disappointment. Wild thoughts rolled around in my noggin. “I thought I was over that.” “Nothing has changed”. “Fuck. Here I am again.”
Then I turned to a jewel of wisdom a therapist offered me almost 40 years ago … Our lives travel on a spiral. It may look like we’re back in the same place, over and over again. Take heart. We’re on a different part of the spiral. It may look and feel similar, but we’re in a new place. We’ve grown, changed, shifted.
That perspective has gently brought me valuable reflections, rich insights, patience and deeper trust in my own path of healing and awakening.
Ohhhh, coming around to this part of the spiral again. Breathe. Become curious. Breathe. Cry. Breathe. Breathing deeper.
With self-compassion I breathe into my tender humanness.
I sit with my vulnerable heart. I turn-into, and tune-into, the ocean of emotions flowing though me.
With gratitude I embrace this opportunity for healing a deeper layer of grief.
I also see how “my story” isn’t “The Story”. What moves in me isn’t about those stories from the past. The past hurts and experiences that trigger me become portals to my freedom. They are catalysts for me to feel deeper; to touch the undercurrent of emotions that I’ve passed by or ignored. They beckon me into more aliveness, and authenticity. They graciously offer me an invitation into Presence.
And as all of this goes on, once again, I’m being charmed by Ecuador. Enjoying my days. And being with my daze.
Spiraling into Love,
Sharon
