Hello from the Dominican Republic!
A new chapter begins!
Returning to my beloved after I’ve traveled has never been very simple for me. Under the anticipation and excitement there is often something unnamed that feels a little tenuous and vulnerable.
After the initial rush of joyful delight at being reunited I become aware of a tender rawness; a pulling into myself as if protecting something precious. It might take days or only moments for me to fully drop back into the shelter of our love.
This past month, as it looked more certain that Kenneth and I would find our ways out of quarantines and back to each other, I was aware of an undercurrent of that familiar vulnerability.
While many of my friends were cheerleading for our grand, passionate, sparkly reunion, I was a jumble of uncertainty as I anticipated leaving my Ecuadorian sanctuary and reuniting with Kenneth in unfamiliar territory.
For the past four months, as the world turned up-side-down and in-side-out, I had embraced the unique situation I had landed in and turned it into an incredible opportunity. Rooted to the earth. Days flowing with an organic rhythm. My heart and soul challenged and stretched. New insights. New convictions. New longings. I even surprised myself with new expressions of creativity.
Long-held friendships deepened and new friendships blossomed. I was nourished by remarkable global connections via Zoom and Facebook Live events. Kenneth and I found fun, lovely ways to nurture our relationship so that the distance brought something fresh to us.
I fully gave myself to a dangerous prayer, asking The Holy to have her way with me. And She did. To my core.
Frankly, I did not know the woman who was going to be reunited with the man who had also gone through four months of his own transformational journey; the fullness of those months apart still being fresh and unformed. Something unknown and a little disconcerting was moving in me. Was I hibernating? Incubating? Marinating? Integrating? Un-becoming, or, maybe, becoming?
I realized it wasn’t for me to figure out. The last thing I wanted to do was box myself up, neat and tidy. I was aware of how easy it would be to grasp for familiar ground in my relating with Kenneth. We’ve been together for 30 years. I know the comfort of his familiarity … And we’ve been together for 30 years. I also know the vast potential of venturing into unfamiliar and uncharted territory together.
The familiar has lost its shine for me. And the world is in heartbreaking, devastating and beautiful chaos. The world is ripe for transformational change. That means I am ripe for transformational change. My relationship with Kenneth is ripe for transformation, too.
Anyway, I get off the plane and fling myself into Kenneth’s welcoming embrace. I am happy. I am ecstatic. I am relieved. And I am aware of this underlying un-formedness of my being. I feel the pull of renewed connection tugging against the desire to keep me just for myself a little longer.
Holy coincidence!!! The day I arrive in the Dominican Republic is the day a three-week on-line seminar with the poet David Whyte starts. The series is called “A Road Always Beckoning… New World: New Challenges and the Call to New Ventures”. During the session each of David’s words spoke to me as if they were written for this very moment of my being.
Ohhhh! I am not alone in feeling this way. In fact, most of humanity is in its own version of this conversation right now. What is this time bringing to me? What is this time making of me?
David reflected on the fear that’s common when we meet a stranger; when someone new and unknown arrives. We often turn away from the strangers that stir discomfort in us.
And, in times of transformation, that stranger we are meeting is often the stranger within our very self; the new, future version of us that is beginning to emerge from its chrysalis, or perhaps blossom on the vine.
That’s me! That’s this tenderness and hesitation I’m experiencing; I just didn’t have the understanding or words to capture it. There’s a stranger emerging in me and I’m little discombobulated by her.
So now, (thank you, David Whyte) as I settle into this new home and a new rhythm of my days, I turn to meet the stranger in my beloved, Kenneth. And I turn to meet the stranger that has arrived in me… unfamiliar, vulnerable, shy, fresh, surprising and, …now … .deeply welcomed.
Sharing my heart with you, in love,
Sharon
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