Hello Colorful One,
Sometime a beginning creeps up slowly, like the sky-blue-pink of this morning’s cloud-covered horizon. The morning light came with a gentleness that slowly peeled back the lingering night sky; the sliver of a crescent moon hanging above me, like the hint of a smile that knows a sweet-scented secret.
As the starlights slowly faded away that hint of a moon reminded me of the night that was ending. It was a sweet reminder to take time to embrace and honor endings.
Ending and beginnings always ride together.
Like the change of seasons or tides, sometimes endings-beginnings come in a leisurely timing that we anticipate. And endings-beginnings can slam us in a way that unexpectedly finds us on our knees. In an instant, nothing will ever be the same.
Beginnings and Endings. These have been weaving themselves into my thoughts over these past weeks … hmmm … over this past year, really. Or maybe it’s more of an unfolding conversation whose revelations span this lifetime. A life’s journey is a continual parade of change. Comings and goings. Openings and closings. Starts and stops. Ending and beginnings.
At times my gaze is firmly fixed on a new beginning. There is a gravitational pull that boldly carries me into a dream or vision. Those have been some of my most inspiring joy-filled days.
There have been those ending times when I was desperately scrambling to move away from something without a concrete thought to a new beginning or a what’s next. Those have been some of my most challenging anguished-filled days.
I think of the first wail of a newborn; protesting being pushed into a new beginning, gasping as it pulls in a totally foreign substance called air. An ending to the cozy comfort of womb-love and into the clean-slate beginning of a life that’s beckoning to be lived.
I reflect on the recent ending of a cherished friend’s life. She knew it was simply an ending of life in the body. She loved that body and lived in it with zest and gratitude. And she unapologetically embraced it’s ending as she prepared to “fly with the angels” into the mysterious beginning that transition would bring. She welcomed both the ending and beginning with peaceful, trusting grace. I am blessed that we shared part of that journey together.
Since my friend’s transition I’ve been diving into my curiosity of beginnings and ending with different eyes. Endings and beginnings have become extraordinary teachers for me.
I’ve noticed there is often a tint of grief in many of my beginnings, even in the enthusiastic “Hell Yes!” beginnings. Saying “yes” to one new beginning means turning away from other intriguing possibilities.
Fondnesses, joys, regrets, what-might-have beens, get tangled around endings and mix with beginnings in a way that brings a full range of feelings. The sense of loss can be surprising when it tags along with wished for endings and joyful beginnings.
I’m been noticing how anticipation, excitement, anxiousness, hesitancy, boldness, impatience and relief can be subtle, and not so subtle, undercurrents to both endings and beginnings.
I’ve watched how sometimes I don’t cleanly or completely end something before jumping into the what’s next, like how I put that next bite of food in my mouth before completely swallowing the previous bite.
My practice has become paying exquisite attention to a few of the small endings and beginnings sprinkled throughout my day. Scroll down a little if you’d like to know what I’m playing with. Maybe you’ll join me! I’d enjoying hearing where your juicy practice grounds are.
With love,
Sharon
