Maybe this will sound familiar to you ….

Last week I was full. Soooo Fullll! 

That overstuffed, “Why did I eat so much?”, full.  Monty Python, “The Meaning of Life”, FULL. (If you haven’t watched that movie imagine “bursting at my seams full”.)
 
But it wasn’t too much food that was pulling at my belly seams, it was the fullness of undigested emotions. 
 
I know emotions are energy, and energy just wants to flow, and when it’s damned up by resistance that energy just keeps pushing harder and harder until the damn breaks.  
 
Yet, even in my knowing that, I find myself resisting. It shows up in a shallower breath; knots in my belly; wakeful nights with thoughts twirling every which way; agitation bubbling under my surface.
 
I know what to say to myself. “Stay with your body. Feel THAT energy. Feel it without a story.  Meet it as a friend.  Shake, dance, howl, stomp, laugh, rage. Laugh some more. BREATHE …  It’s simply energy and it wants to move.”
 
I know the power of following that message. It’s been faithful time and time again.  And still, I found myself here once again, wiggling and agitated until Kenneth matter-of-factly commented  “stay with your body.”
 
And I actually paid attention to him!

I went to my room, shut the door, stomped my determination, cried my grief, hit my pissed-off-ness into the pillows, laughed into the spaciousness, danced my power, breathed into the love and pleasured myself into the ecstasy of being alive in a body that can feel it all.    And I relaxed into the newly  made space, now full of gratitude.
 
Sweetly reminding myself again, again and again …
In love,
Sharon

Hmmmm … The photo I chose reminded me that this experience was during the last full moon daze … FULL!

Wishing you the blessing of Yūgen,
Sharon

The way the sun sparkled on the ocean it was like diamonds dancing with delight.  The ocean was still and the morning was perfect for an early paddle.   
 
After paddling out beyond the gentle swells I just about fell off my paddleboard when a little way from me, I saw a turtle’s head pop out of the sparkles.  Total delight and excitement!
 
The head quickly submerged and I wasn’t absolutely sure I really saw a turtle until that head popped out of the water again.  The sea was clear enough that I could softly make out the turtle’s shell under the sparkles.     My perfect paddle just became a little more perfect!  
 
I was entranced.
 
But, after a few more head bobs, I realized there was a rhythm that wasn’t turtle-like at all.   The sunny sparkles, watery distortion and my excitable imagination turned a bobbing piece of drift wood into that very special turtle.
 
 Now it was my laughter at myself that almost knocked me off my paddleboard.  I really wanted that to be a turtle!!!
 
And,  How often do I see my world through distortions …  through the “I really wannas”?
       … my answer, “Only Always!”   LOL
And I wonder how often I tightly hold onto an illusion and don’t realize that the turtle is really driftwood?   And, you know, driftwood is beautiful in its own right, so, I miss the true beauty that’s right in front of me when I’m all tangled in my imagination.
 
I’m remembering another story.  It was several years ago, just at the end of a SCUBA dive off the shore of Mahahual Mexico.  
 
The dive master was pointing at a rock outcropping that seemed as big as a Volkswagen Beetle.  My eyes scanned around the rock hoping to catch a glimpse of whatever underwater surprise the divemaster was pointing out.  
 
In an instant, that VW transformed into the biggest turtle I could ever imagine!!!  A REAL turtle this time!   That’s a moment frozen in my forever memory.
 
Everything underwater is magnified and that turtle certainly wasn’t as huge as my perception said it was. Still, as I smile in the awe of that moment, in my remembering that turtle was definitely as big as that VW!  No matter what the evidence or logic, that’s my story and it’s alive in me.
 
And … who in my life do I see through my fantasies and grand wishes?   Who am I not letting be themselves in my mind, sometimes keeping them on pedestals, other times diminishing their magnificence?
…  my answer “Only Everyone!”   hmmmm.
 
 Back to that morning on my paddle board; paddling back toward the beach, wouldn’t you know it, I spotted another turtle!!!   This time I was more cautious with my excitement, being pretty certain this would be another piece of driftwood. 
 
But, as I paddled closer to the ???   I was wishing with my whole enthusiastic being that this time I had spied a turtle. 
 
And this time, my turtle ended up being a partially submerged palm frond.
 
But … for a moment … it was a turtle… and that made me happy.
 
Yes, I am a quirky paradox as I continue learning to love it all!
 
With love and turtle mojo,
Sharon

I was recently listening to a Sounds True interview with Resmaa Menaken, psychotherapist specializing in the effects of trauma on the human body and author of the book My Grandmother’s Hands. 
 
I’m awed and challenged by Resmaa.  He speaks about, and facilitates, Somatic Abolitionism.  His is a voice and resource I often turn to in my learning and personal work around racism and white-body supremacy.
 
Resmaa explores extremely serious issues so it took me by surprise when he talked about the array of practices he shares as toys.  “Start thinking about this less as a tool box and tools, and more as a toy box”
 
It’s got me pondering and playing with that way of looking at things. 
 
Once upon a time I graduated from San Francisco State University with a degree in “Recreation”.  I was really juiced by the transformational aspect of play.  From games, outdoor adventuring, ropes courses, I saw all varieties of people experience re-creation in the inner and outer terrain of their lives, through play. Play is still alive in me and woven into the fabric of my life but what captured my attention as I listened to that interview was the serious context Resmaa’s invitation came from.    His words held a kind of permission and curiosity to take toys and play into more vulnerable and important areas of my life.
 
Tools belong to the world of problems and fixing things. For many of us the “I’ve got to work on this job, relationship, myself etc,” ” is laced with the  conditioning of drudgery; something that has to be accomplished to get to the “good stuff”. There’s a goal to reach and the journey to get there is often not seen as valuable.

Toys belong to the world of play where innocence, creativity, curiosity, wonder and exploration come together. Something fresh, inspiring and surprising is available.  There is no far-off destination to reach, instead, each moment is integral to the whole experience.

So, I’m inspired to turn my tools into toys.  I’m filling up my toy box. I’m playing with these questions:
What happens when I see the practices I bring to my life as toys?  
What if my to-do-list was held as play? 
What if I reach into my toy box when I face a difficulty or challenge?  Hmmmm ….
 
I have quite a ways to go to live into those questions. Thankfully, I have loads of toys to help me!
 
Look for me in the sandbox!
With love,
Sharon

Worry is a misuse of imagination.  
I’ve had this whimsical photo on my desktop for a very long time.   It makes me smile. 

Worry is a misuse of imagination.   

I am quite skilled in the art of worry.   I can really wind myself up in a tangle of worry when I set my mind to it.  That photo is my sweet reminder.  Worry is a misuse of imagination.  Yep!

Consider the time and energy put into worrying.  Have you noticed that the vast majority of the things you worry about never come to pass?    

Worry can become an annoying but very comfy and familiar friend.   Isn’t it weirdness that some of us even feel naked or nervous when we don’t have worrying going on?   

When one worry vacates the premises another one moves right in.  “Ok… THAT didn’t happen, but how about THIS.”      Isn’t that the way of it sometimes?

Many of us have gotten this twisted notion that worry keeps the boogie man  from venturing into our territory.    “If I worry about something then it won’t happen”.  Or, we get bunched up with the other side of the coin, “I’ve got to stop worrying about THAT, or THAT  WILL happen.”

Sometime we confuse worry with taking action or getting something done.  We might believe that if we don’t worry we won’t create the results, or make the changes, that are important to us. Worry can become the fuel that moves us through our days.  

(Now, I’ve got you worried about worrying, don’t I?) 

What I’ve found is that worry really zaps me of my vital life-force energy and enthusiasm.  It stifles my inspiration and inhibits my clear, empowered action.  ( So,  as you can see, I even have good reasons to worry about my worrying.)

SO, WHAT’S A WORRIER TO DO?

I know demanding myself to “Stop Worrying” is futile. It’s like depriving a two-year-old of her favorite toy.  The voice of worry just gets louder and much more stubborn.

SO,  here’s what I do when I notice myself being sucked down the spiral of worry … I remind myself it’s only energy mixing it up with my imagination.   I move that energy with a practice, like dancing, beating pillows or laughing … When the energy moves then the right-use of my imagination is unleashed.

Here’s a little taste of the imagination I’m talking about.  Take a quick moment and play along with me right now…

Remember a time when you felt open and moving in the flow of life with sparks of creativity and inspiration organically moving through you.  Let yourself imagine that moment as if it were happening right this second. 

As you vividly replay that memory your breathing, your posture and your emotions come into resonance with the yumminess of that past-moment.  Your imagination has become an instant portal to bring creativity and inspiration into this moment.  The more vividly you turn up the volume on that memory the more every part of you being resonates with that vibe. 

This is extraordinarily cool because your body reacts the same way if you’re conjuring up a story from the past or experiencing that situation right now.

And since the only place the past or the future exist is in the imagination, why not imagine your most heartfelt-enlivened story?

Yes, imagine that!

With love and imagination,
Sharon